Woohoo. The Phoenix Zoo.

Over Aiden's fall break we went to the zoo. I hate the zoo. With a passion. It costs a fortune. It's almost like a game of Where's Waldo at every exhibit (I'm pretty sure that half the time there isn't a freakin' animal in the blasted cage). And I can't stand in the shade of a tree without the fear of being poohed upon by one of the gazillion birds that frequent the place. It has yet to happen, but the fear is real. Very. Real.

The last time I went to the zoo was for Cub Scouts. I was den leader for the bears. Taking a group of 10 kids aged 9 is not a good experience. Especially when they're not your own. I have unrealistic fears of the kids climbing into one of the cages of an animal with sharp teeth and claws. It. Was not. Fun. And the last time I took my own child to the zoo, I think Aiden was 2. I got all adventurous and bought a membership. I was gonna go every week! I think I made it twice (three times tops). The first trip, I bought a souvenir cup for like $50 (okay, it was only $8 or something, but you know me and money...I was gonna get $1 refills EVERY time I went). The second trip, Aiden threw my cup of gold into the friggin' pond in front of the entrance of the zoo. It was cast to those ungrateful turtles and jumbo goldfish never to be seen again. This only reinforced my hatred of the zoo.

That said, it was still fun to see how excited the kids got when they saw an animal they had been asking about since they heard we were going to the zoo (Mabel in particular...she's a funny girl).

They were all excited about the new Koala exhibit. Speaking of that exhibit...when did the zoo turn into a photo op at every turn kind of place. We walked in to have peeps asking to take our picture, then again at that exhibit...what the dealio folks? I brought my own camera, thank you very much! Plus I already gave you my sixty-odd bucks at the door, I should get a free picture. Okay, I'm done griping. For now. Moving on...

Cute little fellas.

By the by, Bret took all of the pictures. But I will attempt to tell you all the animals we saw.

Here's a tiger. I like tigers. Tigers are cool. I could hang with the tigers (not literally of course, I am neither Zigfried nor Roy). Plus there's NO WAY a kid is scaling that wall and getting in there.

The elephants were cool. The railings were disgusting, but do you see how my kids don't even care? They were hanging all over those things like they were made of Clorox wipes. They're fearless, really...like their mom. We did get to throw carrots to the elephants. None of our children's carrots made it off that little ledged lip you see there. Hopefully one of the workers walks it to throw all of the carrots down into the pit so the elephants can actually eat them.
There were giraffes. You had to pay extra to feed them...what the???? Don't you have to feed these animals anyway? Shouldn't you be paying me to do your dirty work? Here's some type of monkey. Pretty sure he was in the Wizard of OZ.

Here's a little Where's Waldo for you...
Pretty sure it's more monkeys. A baboon, possibly?

Yes, clearly baboons, I see the nakey butts.
Here are some zebras and possibly a vulture there between the palms. They were in the same exhibit, I think.

Which made me picture a tiger in there tearing into one of those succulent little zebra cakes...like on the Discovery channel. It was grotesque, but that's where my mind goes at the zoo. When you have vultures and zebras together.

What is this specimen you ask? I haven't the slightest. Probably a monkey.
Kidding! It's some type of cat. Definitely of the feline influence. Do you see how it's just lying there all lazy-like...

And I don't really know what this next one is. Maybe another monkey? A possum? A mongoose? It's ugly. That's all I know. Something that would hiss at you...I can feel it.

We saw the Komodo dragon. The kids were so excited for this one! And then they saw it and it was rather anti-climactic. I think maybe they were expecting an actual dragon? I don't know. I told Aiden it was ugly. He was offended for the dragon. He couldn't believe I would call it ugly...this fine, majestic creature.

And the kids didn't really appreciate this whole trip. They must not have known my pain. This picture was taken just after the Koalas (yeah, very first animal we saw). And can't you just see the joy on their smiling faces? There are more monkeys on that island in the background.

In conclusion, the zoo: ptooie!

In retrospect, maybe Bret should have written this post.